I can't sleep! I hate when the boyfriend goes and has a guys night out or hangs out with his friends (and doesn't invite me!) and doesn't come home until super late at night. Does that make me selfish? It really bothers me because I don't know what he's doing! I don't mean cheating or whatever. I just mean smoking and drinking and all that. It just bothers me because he DRIVES and I'm worried that something will happen to him while he's driving if he's had a few drinks or smokes and he won't listen to my cautionary tales. (Typical. He's stubborn, I'm stubborn). He hangs out with them for what seems like every freaking day, but I guess it's like every other day? or half of the week? It also kinda bothers me that he doesn't invite me to hang out with him and his friends more often (if it's not a guys night out) cuz that's an issue I had with my ex boyfriend. We went out for 2 years and can you believe that I only met like 3 of my ex's closest friends? He never even introduced me to his other friends that he used to go partying with and I don't even know if they KNEW that he had a girlfriend for 2 whole years! I felt like I didn't exist and I had no one on my side to tell me if anything out of the ordinary happened at those parties if you know what I mean. Of course, I can't explain this to my boyfriend since he HATES it when I bring up any subject with my ex in it so he just doesn't get why I need so much attention and affection... And I don't even get why I need so much damn attention and affection. I just know that I need it and without it, I start to feel extremely insecure and depressed. I just wish we'd do more things together. I mean, we are together all the time, but when it comes to going out with our friends, we have separate friends, separate agendas. He likes to do things on his own with his own friends. He even said that he prefers it that way so he can "do things that I know you won't like" and I know he worded it wrong and it came out wrong and I know what he means by it (like drinking and smoking since I don't really like that kind of stuff), but why have the need to do it when I'm not there? It's not like I ever physically stopped him from drinking or smoking even though I don't like it. Well whatever, I have work at 9 tomorrow and it's already 2 in the morning and even though my mind isn't tired, my eyes are through my thick spectacles. I barely ever wear my glasses. I tried sleeping, but I couldn't and I didn't want to put my contacts in again. I'm seriously so incredibly blind. My prescription is -6.75. I thought about laser eye surgery, but the fact that you have to get them done again every 5 or 10 years or something like that doesn't appeal to me... Maybe when I get really blind I'll have to consider it.