Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The boyfriend and I broke up. I hate telling the whole world about my problems, but the reason why I need to post this is because I have to get out of denial. I have to tell people that it's over. I have to make myself realize that it's really over. The boyfriend was my world. He was everything to me. It's hard to lose someone that was such a big part of my life. I've been so miserable the past couple of days... hoping things would change and get better, but they haven't. I know time heals, but time isn't moving fast enough. Everyday feels so long. It's torture. We broke up because he wants to do his own thing right now. He wants to be able to do the things he wants to do without fights and problems. He just wants to be happy and I understand that. I want him to be happy. I want to be happy too. It's just hard cuz that means he's going to be happy without me. He doesn't need me, but I still need him. I don't know how to function without him because he was everything to me. I have to love myself and teach myself how to do things on my own again. It sucks that people actually have to go to through this and feel like this. Yeah, it's a normal growing experience, but I wish I could save someone else from this pain. It's miserable, it really is. It's hard knowing that he'll never be a part of my life anymore. It's like there's a big empty hole and I don't know how to close it. Everything reminds me of him. He was the person I talked to the most and now he's gone. My best friend is vacationing in Hong Kong and I can't talk to her. I just feel so alone. I have no one to talk to, but in a way, I don't even want to talk about it. All I want to do sometimes is stay home and cry. and when I do that, all I want is to go out and get some fresh air and hang out with my friends. but once I go out, all I want to do is go home. I don't know what's wrong with me. I know in time that I will be fine, I just don't know how to get there. He's a great guy and I only wish the best for him.

17 comments:

spankedelic said...

everything will be okay. i went through the same thing with my ex. we dated for a long time and then i think he felt pressure from his friends to choose them or me. since we were young, i think that's why he chose them. cause if he chose them, he could go out and do as he pleased. well, we broke up because he wanted space and time to do his own thing. then 4 months later, he wanted me back, so we tried to work it out. we ended up staying together for a few more years but it just didn't work for us. i guess ppl grow up and change. give your ex some time. don't call him or write him. you want him to know how it'll be w/o you. if you keep trying to talk to him or email him or call him, it'll just annoy him. i learned that the hard way. i missed my ex when we broke up the first time. i would try to chat with him online and it just frustrated him. so i left him alone. then 4 months later, he told me he made a mistake and that he missed me. i think you just need to give him time to figure out what he wants. i hope things get better.

Stephy said...

omg lily i am so sorry to hear about this...
i know this is really hard and i felt REALLY miserable when i broke up with my ex- whom i have only dated for like a month... i totally know how it feels and the only way to heal was when i met my current bf, which was like a year later... but i felt like i was in hell throughout that year.
i know what we say probably doesn't help much but just wanna let u know that we'll all be here to "here" u vent! :)

SiMPLY KRiSTEL said...

MY DEAR LILY *HUGS* I HOPE YOU DON'T FEEL THIS WAY ANY LONGER. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO FEEL THIS WAY. LOOK, IF HE WANTS TO DO HIS OWN THING TO BE HAPPY, YOU DON'T NEED THAT. YOU NEED TO FIND YOURSELF A MAN WHO WILL BE HAPPY WITH YOU NO MATTER WHAT. SOMETIMES THINGS HAPPEN BECAUSE THERE ARE BETTER THINGS WAITING FOR YOU.

Amina said...

i am sending you a big big huuuuug!!
I am so sorry you have to go through that and the pain and ache you're experiencing!!
i am not an expert about relationships so i won't even go there.
First thing, you need to do, allow yourself a pity party no more than a week, so i guess you've already used up 4 days, you have 3 more where you can feel free to eat ice cream, cry, look at pictures, etc...
after that, can i suggest to hit the gym? not that you need to lose weight but it will take things off your mind for at least 1 hour. Take classes such as step or kickboxing and for 1 hour, all you'll do is concentrate on not getting lost on the routine....

you also say that he was your whole world....maybe it's time to see what makes you happy without him i.e which activities do you like doing by yourself.
for instance you can volunteer once a week or every 2 weeks at a shelter or anything that keeps you busy.

once again, i am no expert but it is important after your allowed pity week, you try to do as many things as possible to get out of the house so you won't think about him....
i hope that helps!
hugs

jaycee said...

Hello! I'm a newbie here and I just wanted to let you know that I was at that point in my life also. It does get better in the end. It may sound cliche but...

"Everything happens for a reason".

Take care!

hynoticpoison said...

Hey Lily, I've been following your blog for a while but never commented.

I'm sorry to hear about your break up. I know it's hard, but I'm so glad that you wrote this post to let all your feelings out. I've been through a break up as well after 2 years. And you're right, time does heal even though it feels like forever. *hugs*

spankedelic said...

i know it's hard right now but it'll be okay. i promise. it's hard to be with someone for a few years and then, out of the blue, they end things. i was taken by surprise. i NEVER saw it coming. i didn't even cry. i was so shocked. i didn't cry until a few days later. he told me we'd always be friends. so i would try to talk to him online and he'd snap at me and stuff. so i ignored him. he called me a few days later to apologize. i just went about my own life. i kept busy and did my own thing. you don't want him to know that you're hurting or crying. just act like it's not bothering you. don't talk to him or email him. if you HAVE to, call him or email him and say everything you want to say and then don't say anything else. when he's ready to talk, he will. i bet you he will come back to you. you know what they say, you don't know what you got till it's gone...let him see how it is to be w/o you. i bet you he comes crawling back. that's what my ex did!

Askmewhats said...

Oh no Lily Iam really sorry to hear that. I know there will be no words in this world to make you feel better but to go on with your life trying to find ways that makes you HAPPY. I know your BF makes you happy but you know what/ Maybe it's just a breathing period, who knows what will happen in the future right?

So please stay focus and optimistic, *hugs*

Amina said...

hey again
you're more than welcome!!
I came back to read what the others said. I soo agree with spankedelic. Do give him space. It is veryyyyy haard because i am sure that all you want to do is call him and hear his voice...

once again, i know about heartache and pain. I have very little experience when it comes to men (only one boyfriend and that was..ahem..7 years ago..lol)so some of my suggestions are easier than done...
if it is not easy to move on or like you said do things without him because you want to share those moments with you...

once again, all i can say is try to be strong. easier said than done...and by giving him space, he might come back.
This experience will make you stronger!!
hugs!!
P.s: do use your blog to let us know how you are doing :)

fuzkittie said...

I'm sorry to hear this! With time you will heal~ I hope it takes shorter than longer for you... Hang in there! Men are everywhere, haha. *bitter laugh*

Stephy said...

hey hun~ dont be too harsh on urself and force urself to move on! u know it's ok to be upset and it's ok to cry~
i think u should go out more and hang out with ur frds! that was how time passed by for me during my miserable time! or do things like... make urself REALLY pretty, splurge on things that u normally wouldnt splurged on! i find that tends to make me feel better!

Mykeshia said...

I'm so sorry. BUT You don't NEED a man to live. But don't feel bad about being sad about it. I'm sure it's like losing a best friend. In time it won't hurt as much. Chin up =D

P-ham said...

girl i could not possibly imagine how you are feeling, just the thot of losing my bf is extremely sad. so my heart goes out to you and i hope you can be strong and make it thru. all the girls above gave some good advice, try to do ur own thing and if he is smart enough to realize what he's losing, then he'll come back. but if he doesn't, then it's his loss and you will definitely find someone who can truly appreciate u. (hug!)

Ahleessa said...

Awww~ I know it's hard, and I know this doesn't help but time will heal. If you ever need someone to talk to, I have huge ears (not in literal sense) *huggles*!

Grayburn said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. Difficult things happen in life so that we can step aside and see new perspectives from it, learn from it. Go through the emotions and let it all out and when you are ready, go find yourself and to learn what you want and like to do. Have good friends close by and go do stuff that will make you all feel better (yoga class, shopping etc.). And before you know it, you feel just fine, trust me. Laughter heal all things.

Big hug to you. I think it's safe to say that we've all been through it and hope you know that we are all here if you want to talk and that you have someone to talk to..you're not alone.

xo G

Vanessa M. said...

i read this yesterday but i couldnt think of what to say to make you feel better. But I mean, it could have been worse? At least you two were honest w one another so that was good. and who knows maybe hell come back, or maybe youll find someone new your too beautiful to cry and be feeling liek this, us bloggers cant be there w you but were always thinking abou tyou. You SHOULD go out w your friends and have fun and enjoy life as a single gal.. and let time pass on its own, i went thru a similar situation w my BF before the one im w now. and i cried and locked myself in my room and stuff, and it was the end of thw world, and now looking back... i missed out on a lot cuz of that, and i met someone new too along the way, and im way happier now than i ever knew possible. i thought my ex was the one and only.. little did i kno.. so dont worry lilly we love you and were here to listen.. <33

MAKEUP central-by LYN said...

aw im so sorry that happened. i remember those days and it is miserable and horrible to go thru. i hope things get better for you soon hun.